sorry...i know its been a really long time. i'm focusing on getting better and some people just cant accept it. i've been eating a lot better and i lost two pounds without starving or purging. i'm proud of myself because i did it the right way.

i start school next week. i'm really excited cuz i'm getting homeschooled and i am going to work my hardest to graduate in 2 years. my mom set up a schedule so i can. then im starting college classes next year. after i graduate i'm going to go to school full time to be a respiratory therapist. i wanna work at childrens hospital so i can work with kids and babies. its so nice to have a plan. i am more than motivated this year. i am going to do my best no matter what. no more wasting time. im not going to waste my whole life anymore. its pointless and stupid. i want to have kids and a nice house someday so i want to start now. i'm so excited about my future its insane! for once i feel good about myself. its an awesome feeling

sorry guys! i just havent really felt like updating. i hate it when other people do that so i apologize lol

monday: i got back from florida and went out to dinner and stuff...ended in purging

tuesday: my boyfriend came over and we watched movies all day with my aunt

wednesday: me, deanna, and todd went to the movies and saw Dark Water

thursday: me,deanna, and todd went to the mall for a few hours

friday: deanna and me babysat trent...yea that day was interesting

saturday: i went to todd's sisters wedding. that was fun. i got lots of compliments on my hair =)

today: for deannas birthday we went to ribfest with todd, fern, willow, kris, henry, trent, and my mom. that sucked a lot but oh well. then later my mom and deanna are going to see Wedding Crashers and me and todd are going to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. yup so that should be fun

there is my new hair...tell me what you guys think! don't you think that kinda hair would go awesome with a tongue ring?! i do!

i've been watching lots of movies this week and it has really really gotten to me. all the girls in these movies are perfect! my aunt is watching bring it on and every girl on there is like a stick. i'm so jealous of them. i'm sick of being this way! grr! i hate my nastiness. i dont want to be pretty i want to be gorgeous and i dont want to be "fine" i want to be great. no one will tell me the truth about my body. i rely on other people to tell me if i look good but no one has the guts to say flat out that i dont. the only opinion i'm taking seriously now is my own. last week every single day i purged...i stopped though but i am disappointed in myself. i can't fall back into that. i know i'm stronger than that. i'm doing better now. i want to and i need to. maybe these movies were the thinspiration i needed. i can't get fat again! a few monthes ago no one would admit that i was fat and everyone said i was fine then i looked at a picture of me...i wanted to cry. i dont understand why no one told me! thats why i dont believe anyone now. i need to go by what I think. ok sorry for the rambling...i'm just really depressed right now. i was taking my medicine with dinner the past week too so i dont think any of that stayed in me. i guess that explains why i'm going all emotional...i dunno if that even makes sense, oh well. i'll comment when i get back..sorry i just dont have time to do all that yet. very much love

stay strong girls

-(kaitie)-